It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
