He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
