Yo dont text me then not text me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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