Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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