We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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