Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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