then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
