i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
