Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
