I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
