His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
