I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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