so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
