dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
