Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
