ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
