Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize