At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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