dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
