i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i dont even know how to be here
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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