based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
