i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
