Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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