i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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