I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
