When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
