yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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