so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize