I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize