"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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