Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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