It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize