mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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