i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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