Rock
Scissors
Fuck
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
