Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
