they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
