like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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