I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
