You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
