i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
