i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
