you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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