ADVERTISEMENT

• (585): View more from New York

  Congratulations on your moose knuckle.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.

  Fav 7 3112 1068

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?

  Fav 27 8287 1778

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (678): View more from Georgia

  just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.

  Fav 12 3074 1881

  share tweet
  

• (702): View more from Nevada

  I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex

  Fav 3 4163 1225

  share tweet
  

• (541): View more from Oregon

  Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.

  Fav 10 4208 1002

  share tweet
  

• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.

  Fav 9 3986 1431

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.

  Fav 8 4303 1352

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.

  Fav 2 1582 691

  share tweet
  

• (618): View more from Illinois

  Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT

  Fav 6 1741 733

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life

  Fav 6 1141 700

  share tweet
  

• (434): View more from Virginia

  I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.

  Fav 6 2540 758

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"

  Fav 1 1000 865

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap

  Fav 2 17 26

  share tweet
  

• (407): View more from Florida

  I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.

  Fav 2 155 18

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner

  Fav 1 51 13

  share tweet
  

Randomize