Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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