theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
