I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
