Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
