I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
