Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
