didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
BRING THE BAGELS
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
