But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
