i love accidental penises.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
