I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
this hospital has no fireball
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
