but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
