you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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