You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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