If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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