How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
