I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
