i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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