bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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