found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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