just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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