Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
