I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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