I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
