I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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