dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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