i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
