Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
