My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
