The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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