I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
