fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
