i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
