is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
