I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
