Need sex. Gaining weight.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
