Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
