I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
