just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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