I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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