see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
