I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
