Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize