where does the pee come out of this thing
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
