someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
