its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
