i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
