Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
