I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
