this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
