Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
