Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
