so explain again why im purple
no
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
